Monday, July 28, 2014

其实已经过了一个月多了
但是到了前天才真正乖乖的作出最果断的决定
其实真的无论有没有另一个女生的出现 我本来就会作出同样的决定
不过真的是因为知道了人家也moved on了 所以才会让我更快的做了这个决定
但是为什么明明是自己的决定 没有人逼的 而且无论如何自己都知道是不可能重来的了
但是还是很难过很难过 
就一直很想哭 
明明就知道做了这个决定 自己才有办法真正好好的做自己 做自己该做的事
但是做了之后 肚子感觉就像被打了一拳而且拳头一直都不离开 然后那天晚上还真的失眠了 
明明真的过了超过一个月了啊 但是为什么还是会哭 
我也很讨厌我自己为什么不生气
生气不是很正常的吗? 但是为什么就生气不起来
脾气平时那么冲 但是为什么这件事可以那么冷静成熟? 
如果我生气的话 我会不会比较好过? 但是就是生气不起来 
就只有不断的揪着 喉头就一直酸酸的
但是明明都是自己的决定啊
就算没有那个女生 本来就不打算回去的不是吗? 但是为什么还是会痛? 
为什么想着想着还是会哭? 
不是说祝福了吗? 
还是我难过的是那么短暂的东西把友谊都搞砸了? 
还是我难过的是为什么他可以那么快就进入下一段恋情了? 
我自己也不知道我在难过什么
还是我难过的是为什么他比较喜欢她? 
最不明白的是 为什么那天后 我整个人好像很焦虑
那种焦虑像是考试前不够时间温习功课的那种感觉
我到底在焦虑什么? 
我不觉得我比别人不好啊 但是我为什么会有这种感觉?
而且我知道一个只会让你流泪的人本来就不值得留恋 但是为什么还是那么难过
为什么我还要故作潇洒? 
为什么我不像别的女生还会撒野? 这样至少发脾气了不是会好过一点吗? 
但是为什么就是做不出? 
我有那么好人吗? 
我不是每次都说我很自私的吗? 
为什么这次我完全就是别无选择地离去 
而且还要走得那么平静 
是不是因为我觉得我没资格争取? 
对不起
我并不是我想象中的那么坚强
但是我很努力
而且我相信我会活得更好的
哭多一下子就好了


Thursday, July 24, 2014

My own thoughts: The Fault in our stars

Should have wrote this right after i saw the movie....
it's scary to know that how much one's feeling can change within days...
or that just shows that some things are just not worth wasting time on? 
or it could just mean that some feelings are just not that deep and could be forgotten easily? 

Well, honestly speaking I wasn't feeling like myself the past week or you could say the past month 
I just couldn't watch this movie with anybody at that time and I knew that the only choice is to watch it by myself
my first solo movie since les miserables...
i thought i wouldn't have to do this again but then... life is unpredictable but that is what makes life special right? 

I was swallowed by my emotions and I just couldn't function properly the past few weeks..okay..i seemed normal but then i get carried away by my thoughts too much...way too much 

but I'm pretty sure that now i'm totally fine or at least 90% okay..I hope that i'm not just being delusional LOL 
things just don't always go the way we want to especially relationships 
I could always work hard to keep up my grades, work hard to get my ideal work, internships but then for relationships, it takes two to clap...
if wouldn't work if only one side is willing to work hard for it...
I came to a conclusion that why would i want to waste my time on things that are clearly out of my control and try so hard to secure something that wan't to be free? 
why not I just let myself free and let it go...
if it's meant to be it will be , if it's not , why fight for it and end up wounded? 

I digressed,

yea, the fault in our stars
I've read the book way before the movie came out and TBH i wasn't really deeply connected to the book like most people did...
It didn't leave an impact like how "just one day" did but it was a good read 
The movie used to meant something to me but then I promised myself that after watching it, it would be the end of my grief and this pathetic relationship 

In the movie, gus said that he hoped that hazel love the choice she made to get hurt by whom 
I guess I just haven't meet the right person that i'm willing to get hurt by him 
pain demand to be felt? yes..it does
because at least i'm not hiding from pain, i'm trying to feel it until i get numb then it will then have no effect on me anymore, that's the only way to be free from this agony 

Did I cry? yes I did and i'm not a person that cries in movies but i threw in personal emotions and I just couldn't stop..especially when Hazel was just sitting by her bed staring into space 
I jutted every time they say " okay? Okay. "
I made the right choice to watch this alone as I just couldn't bear to watch it with anybody with my emotions so wrecked but then now I'm okay. 

I'm really Okay. 


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

5 girls in Thai- Bangkok Trip

I admit that i've been dreading to write this post coz i've been really lazy LOL
but then again I will be cramming all 5 days in one post with mostly my own thoughts and pictures
a picture speaks a thousand words right?

haven't been in a blogging mood for about 2 months, will try to get back on track
things happened, happy times, teary times, absurd times...
but then the bangkok trip was definitely under happy times =)

anyways~ thanks to xinyi for making all the bookings and planning =)

first day was basically just a traveling day since it was a late afternoon flight...
mandatory KLIA2 selfie =D 
all set! ready to fly~~~ 
so pretty =) 
managed to only reached the hotel around 5-ish i think... for the rate that we're paying, this hotel is actually pretty decent =) clean and reasonably spacious =) 

Gaodim our dinner by buying street food near our hotel! many yums! 
tadaa~~~~ eating comfortably in the hotel since it was raining...sighhh 

after that we just went out to walk and i'd immediately bought a few pieces of "vetements" == 
me and my impulse buying....aaaaa

this pretty much sums up our first night in Bangkok~ 

The next day, woke up at 5am so that we could shop at the pratunam morning market....
women just can't resist shopping! 

 look at the wholesale market! apparently we're not the only ones that are crazy shoppers =P 
 weee~~~ 
 crowded!!! 

 was i trying to kill myself? 
soooo many stalls~! 

after our morning shopping session at the pratunam market, we continued our shopping spree at platinum mall~! 

no pics at all == that shows how focused we were at shopping...
spent so much monehhh =( 
why do i love shopping so much..it's soooo baddddd

then we went to asiatique for dinner =) 
hired a tuk tuk there and crazy wei...
had to squeeze all 5 of us in one tuk tuk and I have to sit on Jan's lap the whole 40 mins ride...
like very happy hor...but in actual fact, i was kinda nauseated towards the end *ugh* 

very pretty place~ with all the lights and displays, very nice place to paktor =P 

had this for dinner...so so saje 

 ferris wheel~! 

girls being girls~ it's only fair that we get to ride it waddd =P 

 the nightview of asiatique pier~ 
 got on the free ferry =) 
then hired a tuk tuk back again hahahaha 
yeap...5 in one again LOLLLL never learn right? yea...never learn...=P 
My haul for only the first day LOLLLL
yealar....i'm a crazy shopper... didn't even bother taking pictures of my buys after that incase i scare myself further LOL 

that sums up our 2nd night in Bangkok =) 

3rd day i think we had roasted bananas and sweet potatoes for breakfast 
then went to "si mian fo" to pray and pay our blessings =) 

 come'on ... had to act cool with these shades wadddd 
the girls =) 

then we just strolled around for awhile then head to terminal 21 to take pics of toilets LOLLL
seriously wei, we went to all their toilets since they have different themes at each stories 
 why can't Malaysia make fancy shopping malls too but then people would be busy taking pictures instead of shopping...


 seriously..this is a toilet 
 Jan with this cute tube which is also a toilet LOl 
 oops....somebody caught me taking a weird selfie =P 
 the famous san francisco bridge...

by just visiting all the toilets and walking each floor took hours... 
after that we went back to the hotel to chill awhile then had dinner at some hawker around siam paragon that serves really good tomyam! much yums!!! 
and then we did some shopping there too LOL 

4th day 

rise and shine~! went and hunt for this famous wantan mee =) 

 a selfie is a must =P 
 portion really small lor....doesn't look really appealing but quite good eh 
nahhh..recognize this wantanmee stall lar... =) 

of course that didnt satisfy our tummy~! 
 we had cold stone~! soooooo goooood!!! rum and raisin ....ahhhh..heaven!!! 

they happened to have a small hello kitty fair at central world (if not mistaken) 

yay~ 5 girls in thai~! 

then we went to siam square....
and guess what..just after cold stone we decided to go to Mr. Jones' Orphanage to have dessert...
as if i need to pack on more pounds LOL 
 so pweety~! 
 heaven ~!!! 
 i had to take selfies larrr 
 single-eyed bear =P 
 my tea~! vanilla and rose...so good! 
apple and dates...really really good....love the coconut floss on top...ahhhh 

after our dessert session, we just walked around siam paragon and siam square 
 some cute displays at siam square =D 
 at siam paragon~ 
me being me LOLL 

had dinner at one of the hawker stall around siam paragon and finally we got to have siham and salt baked fish =D 
but the tomyam from the previous night was better...
after dinner we went bck to the hotel and started our welcome to Malaysia and eye to eye nightmare LOL 
these women arrr...have been singing these two songs the entire day hhahahahahaha
this is how we ended our last night in Bangkok...

5th day~ 
the other 4 got up really early for the morning market but me...i just couldnt wake up and i don't have much money left to shop LOL 

after that we went to the airport and home we flew~~~~ 

finally completed this blogpost phew..... 








Tuesday, July 15, 2014

久违了-新加坡

久违了,新加坡 也久违了,写部落格 
曼谷那篇也许要搁着一下子了 毕竟这两个旅程的心情分别太大 我无法同时下笔 

这次的三天两夜的新加坡之旅 主要目的就是出席JE的毕业典礼
一切都非常临时,车票还要是去之前的前几天才买的 
其实还蛮庆幸有这个小小的旅行 至少让我有机会做个逃兵
虽然现在回来了 要开始面对现实了 要真的开始为自己的未来计划了

好啦
那天我们四个就坐着巴士一路到了新城
路上有笑有叹 显然的我们真的有一段时间没见面了 太多东西说了 

真的真的很喜欢大家 真的 mo^2 group FTW! 

过了5个小时,我们终于到了harbourfront
在vivo解决了我们那下午茶时间的午餐
我也太样衰了吧 ishhhhh 

过后我们就搭MRT到bishan,楼下这位帅哥就来迎接我们 =) 
Mr.HY 看到他其实也有太多太搞笑的回忆了 而且大部分其实都发生在毕业以后 
助理生涯啦 台湾之旅啦 "tannichibye" 过后我跑去新加坡的好几次啦 

过后我们这几条水就在他们的家吹水玩bridge了
这个游戏真的太多策略了咯 每次都搞到我很乱 经常搞错partner == 
不过明明没事的HK也blur到夸张 哈哈哈哈 还给很blur的我弄到他更blur 

过后我们9点半才在附近的hawkers解决晚餐
终于在十一点吧 JE才回到来 
我们这几个也因为有一半的人对自己作出了一些promise
所以我们也只能吹水玩牌了 LOL 
过后大部分的人都睡着了 只剩两个神经病吹水吹到了凌晨3点多

第二天也就是JE的毕业典礼了 
他们和他们的家人一早就回学校准备行礼
我们这几个就随着HY到他们的大学吃早餐 走走 
等他们的典礼完成了 我们才去meet他们 
 we were there!!! 
 一起走过的那青葱岁月 
 恭喜~!!!!  proud of you!!! 
循中儿女 =D 

过后其实我们四个也很无聊 又跑到附近吹水 顺便吃午餐 
我们整个旅程貌似就一直吃和吹水 == 

过后又回到他们家了
然后当然就继续玩牌LOL  

过后等到JE回来了 我们就出去吃晚餐了 
 在荷兰村的everything with fries 还真的不错吃 

 这三位从13岁就同班的傻佬们
我点的鸭肉汉堡 味道不错 JE,thanks for the treat =D 

晚餐后, ZP和JL也来了 
我们就跑去喝茶吹水 你看是不是 == 
初中和高中的同窗们 很开心有你们 

第三天 大家工作的工作 出门的出门
我们这三个自行在附近解决早餐后 回他们家的时候
不知道为什么 我竟然坐着就睡着了一个小时 
可能是旅程的前两天失眠的关系吧 
不过这几天我真的好像嗜睡 一直一直在睡觉
过后我们就到了vivo解决我们在新加坡的最后一餐
KC贪心叫到了3X的拉面 哈哈哈哈
过后走走了一下 我们便踏上回家的旅途了 
大家也在准备面对在家等待的未来和现实了 
------------------------------------

这次的旅程 我们实在没有做什么
但是大家的陪伴给了我们很多力量
但是很多事还是要自己硬起来自己面对和放下的 
there're ups and downs in life, life is never a straight line, but that is what makes life beautiful 
        对生命而言,
  接纳才是最好的温柔,
  不论是接纳一个人的出现,
  还是接纳一个人的从此不见。
与其说我因此变得眼浅 变得脆弱
不如说我因此变得有血有肉 不再那么冷漠 

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