Should have wrote this right after i saw the movie....
it's scary to know that how much one's feeling can change within days...
or that just shows that some things are just not worth wasting time on?
or it could just mean that some feelings are just not that deep and could be forgotten easily?
Well, honestly speaking I wasn't feeling like myself the past week or you could say the past month
I just couldn't watch this movie with anybody at that time and I knew that the only choice is to watch it by myself
my first solo movie since les miserables...
i thought i wouldn't have to do this again but then... life is unpredictable but that is what makes life special right?
I was swallowed by my emotions and I just couldn't function properly the past few weeks..okay..i seemed normal but then i get carried away by my thoughts too much...way too much
but I'm pretty sure that now i'm totally fine or at least 90% okay..I hope that i'm not just being delusional LOL
things just don't always go the way we want to especially relationships
I could always work hard to keep up my grades, work hard to get my ideal work, internships but then for relationships, it takes two to clap...
if wouldn't work if only one side is willing to work hard for it...
I came to a conclusion that why would i want to waste my time on things that are clearly out of my control and try so hard to secure something that wan't to be free?
why not I just let myself free and let it go...
if it's meant to be it will be , if it's not , why fight for it and end up wounded?
I digressed,
yea, the fault in our stars
I've read the book way before the movie came out and TBH i wasn't really deeply connected to the book like most people did...
It didn't leave an impact like how "just one day" did but it was a good read
The movie used to meant something to me but then I promised myself that after watching it, it would be the end of my grief and this pathetic relationship
In the movie, gus said that he hoped that hazel love the choice she made to get hurt by whom
I guess I just haven't meet the right person that i'm willing to get hurt by him
pain demand to be felt? yes..it does
because at least i'm not hiding from pain, i'm trying to feel it until i get numb then it will then have no effect on me anymore, that's the only way to be free from this agony
Did I cry? yes I did and i'm not a person that cries in movies but i threw in personal emotions and I just couldn't stop..especially when Hazel was just sitting by her bed staring into space
I jutted every time they say " okay? Okay. "
I made the right choice to watch this alone as I just couldn't bear to watch it with anybody with my emotions so wrecked but then now I'm okay.
I'm really Okay.
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